The Prince of Wales, on the other hand, had been educated at Gordonstoun, a very tough school with German tendencies, where Prince Philip went. At Gordonstoun Prince Charles was badly bullied by the other boys. They continually held him upside down over the lavatory while they pulled the chain. He appealed to the headmaster, who said he saw no reason why he should interfere. At Gordonstoun the heir to the throne had only one light in his bedroom and no rug or carpet on the bare floor. How this was to prepare a reserved, shy boy for the life he was to lead as future king, I cannot begin to understand. The result of this treatment was that he grew up needing both affection and assurance.
When the romantic young Diana, my stepgranddaughter, and the prince met, she fell in love, and the whole country wanted her as their future Queen of England. In fact the British people were so insistent on the idea that I said to her father, “It is the first time the Queen of England has been chosen by referendum.”
Diana, however, had very little knowledge of what actually was the protocol of being royal. Her father had, when she was very small, been an equerry to the queen, and Diana had of course visited the royal family when they were at Sandringham. But the enormous amount of formality that exists in the palace itself is overwhelming. She complained to a friend of mine that there was “far too much curtsying and getting up when one was sitting down.” My friend thought she was finding it most tiresome.
Teaching people how to behave is lamentably lacking at Buckingham Palace. When Sarah Ferguson first went there, not one single person told her what to do or how to behave. It is very complicated for a young girl. She is too shy to ask and could never guess all the different things one has to do when one is in the presence of the queen. They are all small things, but the Duchess of York suffered all the embarrassment of a young girl who is not told what is correct. There was no one to help her or Princess Diana, which I think, quite frankly, was a mistake on the part of those courtiers who run the palace.
Diana also had very little experience of men. She went to a quiet school and she spent much of her holidays at Althorp with her father. The stress of her new life was overwhelming. She eventually developed anorexia nervosa and bulimia, which makes the sufferer very hysterical. Hysteria is something with which no Englishman can cope. They are educated, as Prince Charles had been, with other boys at a boarding school from the age of 8. They find it impossible to know how to deal with hysterical women. All Englishmen are the same. If one has a row with them they invariably leave the room or disappear. If a woman is having tantrums or makes scenes they shy away from her, as they simply have no idea of how to cope.
Princess Diana wanted the love that expresses itself in romantic fiction. Her dream of Prince Charming was of the tall, handsome men who appear in these novels and who sweep the women they love off their feet. Unfortunately as time passed the dream began to fade; when Prince Charles did not match up to the heroes she imagined, the marriage began to crumble.
Prince Charles has had it drilled into him ever since he was born, that no matter what happened, Duty must come first. It was very hard for the princess to understand that whatever else had to be sacrificed, the public must not be let down under any circumstances. Eventually the dream failed completely.
To give the children the happiest background possible the prince and princess have come to the decision that they can do that only by living apart. I am sure it is a decision they have not entered into lightly and one which they will stand by in order to give their sons the loving, caring future they both need.
All we can hope is that perhaps as the years go by they will realize each other’s amazing value, and come back together in a different way from what exists at the moment. I think that Princess Diana will find in her husband all the charm and excitement of her dream man. And Prince Charles will discover again in the lovely Diana, more beautiful than ever, the delight he found in her when they were engaged, and the excitement which they both possessed on their wedding day.
It is still possible that two people so talented and so intelligent can, as they grow older, realize that life has many facets. We often change completely over the years. We also realize the value, sometimes too late, of what we have lost. By remaining married, even if they are apart, there is still the hope that these two unusual and unique people will find in each other the dreams which they have always sought. But unfortunately, until now, it is something they have failed to discover.
